2 hours ago
11
Marty, 47
The sex is gentle and affectionate … what I have with Viv is like nothing I’d experienced before
Seven months before I met Viv, my marriage had just ended and I was having the best sex of my life with a good friend. Mindblowing, incredible sex where I discovered that I was into being demeaned and flogged. The depth of trust required made me feel really safe, turned on and even cared for. Things ended with that friend when she moved abroad. I was still grieving the loss when I matched with Viv on Tinder.
The sex is gentle and affectionate with her. At the start, I questioned whether that was enough after the intense experience I’d just come out of. After four months, I tried to end things.
Two days later, I realised I’d made a mistake. What I have with Viv is like nothing I’d experienced before. I’d been married for 10 years to a woman who gaslit me and controlled me financially. But Viv was kind and generous, and for the first time, that was reciprocal. She also has the softest skin and gorgeous curves. My friend even said to me: “What are you doing? Viv loves you. You’re being really arrogant.”
I can fall into the trap of being arrogant – feeling as if I have lots to teach after my last experience, but not much to learn. That arrogance was something I had to check myself on. I’m learning that mindblowing sex that goes on all afternoon isn’t the only type – it doesn’t have to be athletic, lustful and kinky to be wonderful. It can be softer and more loving, and I can also learn from Viv. She’s shown me generosity in bed, which I’ve never had before. On the surface, we’re very different, but underneath, we both want to be loved.
We did go to a sex shop and buy a flogger, but Viv feels too shy to use it. I don’t want to push her. I can imagine her going for it in the future – but it won’t be the end of the world if that doesn’t happen. I didn’t even know these things about myself until 18 months ago, so are they my needs or just a bonus? For now, having a loving environment is much more important to me.
Viv, 43
Marty has brought sex back into my life. Even the thought of having sex with him gets me aroused
Marty is the third person I’ve had sex with. The first was my ex-husband, who I’d been with for 25 years. I was completely uninterested in sex for 15 of those years, and developed vaginismus – sex became too uncomfortable and I would close up. I felt shame around sex, probably because that youthful awkwardness never went away with my husband, but there is none with Marty. Feeling aroused again for the first time after so long was exciting. I felt normal and healthy; life felt instantly better.
My initial impression of Marty was that he was someone I would like to be friends with. On the surface, we look like an odd pairing – he’s bohemian, whereas I’m more materialistic. My marriage ending was heartbreaking – I found out my husband had been cheating on me, so part of me wanted to sabotage things with Marty out of fear. But when he ended it, I was devastated.
Marty has brought sex back into my life. Even the thought of having sex with him gets me aroused. He’s a lot more experienced, and initially the idea of him with someone else made me feel jealous, but now I find his past fascinating. I worried that Marty’s kinks would mean we aren’t compatible. But I’m learning to relax and be playful with it. When he asks me to spank him and tell him he’s worthless, I giggle. I have a problem with the worthless part, so I tell him he’s naughty instead.
With my husband, it felt as if we were doing it wrong, whereas sex with Marty is more about the journey than the destination, and we’re more open about what we want. Marty comes over on weekends and one evening in the week, which I always look forward to. I used to think that for a relationship to be real, you have to live together, but I’m still getting used to being on my own, and learning how to be alone rather than lonely. And this way, we both have our own space, and I get to enjoy the anticipation.
English (US)